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Blaming the dead...

Teresa Mars - Wife of Ray Mars, killed on Wave Dancer/Pharmacist
October 19, 2004 at 19:22:31

This is especially to Heather, but also to all the others who have been humane in their comments on the innocent victims of the Wave Dancer. I have been so very shocked and sickened, since this horrific tragedy occurred, at the attitude of so many people who are just sure that the divers who died did something stupid and party-like, not caring about safety, as long as they were playing around and having fun. 

I have so identified with your words about your father, and how he would have handled the situation completely differently if he had been able to know the truth.  The same is true of my husband, Ray. He was a very careful diver, mature, serious, not just going on a "party boat" with no concern for his own safety, or that of the others.  As I have said before, Ray worked for the FDA for almost 30 years, and always put consumer safety above all else.  We had done extensive traveling together over the last several years of his life, sometimes during the hurricane season. In all of our previous trips, absolutely all, if there was even a hint of a storm approaching, either the boat captain, or the resort owner/manager had made the proper plans for evacuation if it should become necessary. They kept us updated constantly, we knew where the shelters were, that was the first thing that Ray found out.  He wanted to know where the shelters were, and there was absolutely no question that that was where we would be in case of a hurricane. There was absolutely no reason for him, or anyone else on board the Wave Dancer, to expect that things would be handled any differently than they had experienced in the past.

When these self-proclaimed experts talk of how they would be prepared, or would not travel during hurricane season, or would do this, or that, anything different than our loved ones did, they are being more cruel and pain-causing than anything I thought I would ever see in my lifetime. I don't understand the reason that some are so determined to blame the victims, whatever reason they say. There must be some need for them to appear superior to our loved ones, which usually indicates extreme inferiority and complete ignorance of the facts. Boasting of what they would do gives a very obvious picture of someone who knows deep in their heart that they are very inferior to our family members, and they just have to have attention called upon them.  Since they apparently are too ignorant or accomplished to do it in any kind of real way, they have to resort to the "know-it-all" syndrome.  We all know the type. They are very inferior, so must compensate for their own inadequacies by criticizing those that they know nothing about. Apparently, causing pain to those of us left to mourn our family members, with no chance ever (or so it seems) for real justice to happen, or even the truth to actually come out, gives them some enjoyment. How incredibly pathetic they are. 

I would also like to reverse my decision not to travel to Belize immediately after hearing about the capsizing. I was in such shock I was incapable of even thinking of what should be done.   But, I should have gone down there also, because I would have done something about how their bodies were being treated, or non-treated, abandoned at the end of a pier. It sickens me every day that that was allowed to happen to our loved ones' bodies.  It is disgusting, and added several more layers of pain and worry upon a situation that was unbelievable in its' obvious negligence already.  I would like to go there with you, and my son has also expressed a desire to go with us.  We can have a proper plaque, and pay a real tribute to the victims. I was not even made aware of the plaque done by the RDC this past summer, but I am not surprised by that at all. They have refused me any information or kindness or any kind of understanding in any way.  If anything, those who survived the capsizing have been especially cruel to me and to anyone in our family who begged them for information.  So, I expect nothing from them, I simply consider the source.

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