CDNN: Shark 1, shark molesting scuba idiot 0
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by LAMAR BENNINGTON - CDNN Industry News Editor
KEY LARGO, Florida (18 Sep 2006) -- You are a recently certified professional scuba diving instructor desperate for employment. Admittedly, you are sexually obsessed with animals.
Sexual predator Dave Marcel of Spencer Slate's Atlantis Dive Center learns the hard way not to molest a juvenile nurse shark.
And on the rare occasion when you're sober, you can almost remember your full name. Now what about that prior arrest and conviction for humping the neighbor's pet goat?
Don't worry: you've got the right stuff if you want to make a quick buck entertaining thrill-seeking tourists in the Florida Keys scuba diving industry.
But never forget one thing Mr. Macho Man: casual, unprotected cross-species sex can be extremely dangerous, especially underwater.
Just ask Dave Marcel, the backwoods scuba training performer at Spencer Slate's Atlantis Dive Center who gets a teeny-weeny little bulge in his wetsuit whenever he sees a young single nurse shark.
"You kind of pick 'em up," Dave said with a stupid, lecherous grin reminiscent of the menacing hillbillies in Deliverance.
"RUB their belly, SCRATCH 'em, HUG 'em...(HEY) you might as well give them a smooch while you're out there," Dave howled squealing like a pig...